I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
