you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
