One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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