he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
