oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
