did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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