As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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