the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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