Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
