the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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