Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
