get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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