there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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