i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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