somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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