if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
