For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
