marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Everything about him screamed your future.
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He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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