If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
