so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
