Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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