My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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