How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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