I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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