The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
