i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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