at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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