We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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