3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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