Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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