I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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