there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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