It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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