Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
