Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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