There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
