There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he fucked my hip out of place.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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