The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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