It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
no you cant smoke seaweed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
