I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
