get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
