swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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