I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
