Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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