there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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