I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
