The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
