This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
