I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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