I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
