He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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