So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
