I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
