I hope mine doesn't look like that
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
