we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
