I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
