please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
