a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
