Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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